It's difficult to tell people what my wife does for a living

A texedo!

Guess the two of us aren’t going to work out

…it’s been breaking forever

No one saw her lips move

A centimental fool

A woman goes up to the man working in the produce aisle and says where is your broccoli? The produce man says we’re out of broccoli we will have some in the morning. He goes back to stacking his oranges in the same lady pecks him on the shoulder and says excuse me sir where is the broccoli? He says we are fresh out of broccoli. We will have some in the morning. He moves from the oranges over to the bananas and starts to work with them. The same woman taps him on the shoulder again and says sir can you tell me where the broccoli is? He says how do you spell cat as in catastrophic? She says C-A-T he says okay how do you spell dog As in dogmatic? She says D-O-G. He says okay how do you spell fuck as in broccoli? She says there is no fuck in broccoli. He said exactly lady, that’s what I been trying to tell you.

I told them how how I found this girl tied to a rail track. Being a gentleman, I untied her and took her back to my place. They stared at me in awe as I recounted the evening. We had the best night and made passionate love over and again. In every room of the house. One of my friends said: "Wow man. That's amazing. What did she look like?" "I don't know." I said. "I never did find the head."

Because I'm so ec-static!

After all, he was a gay Shah

He had a pun.