Why you shouldn't tell pun jokes to a kleptomaniac?

While on a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods pulls up to a petrol station in the middle of the Irish countryside in his BMW. The attendant, having no idea who Tiger is, greets him warmly in the traditional Irish way. “Top of the mornin’ to ye, Sir,” says the attendant. Tiger nods politely and reaches for the petrol nozzle. As he does, two golf tees slip out of his pocket and fall to the ground. The attendant looks down, puzzled, and asks, “What are those?” “They’re tees,” Tiger replies. “Well, what in God’s name are they for?” asks the Irishman, clearly confused. “They’re for resting my balls on when I’m driving,” Tiger explains with a grin. The Irishman’s eyes widen in disbelief. “Fookin' Jaysus,” he says, “BMW thinks of everything!”

Apparently they named their product i-Slam

Otherwise they'd be called bachelor jokes.

Or else I'm calling the crops.

They ignored them and swam away.

Sometimes Mayo neighs

It's sinkhole de Mayo.

They say he’s still in de nile

Shake spear

With great sadness I pass on the following news. Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71. Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, who has one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, The California Raisins, the Hostess Twinkies and Captain Crunch. The gravesite was piled high with flours. Betty Crocker delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He wasn’t considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times he still, as a crusty old man, was considered a roll model for millions. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.