Do you know who the most famous phlebotomist was?

He would drown.

You call her

The young college students on their first date drove to a country festival. As they were returning the guy stopped the car, turned to his date, and after making some subtle advances, suggested that they get naked and spend some time together in the back seat. “OK,” said the girl, “but I have to let you know that I’m actually a prostitute, and this will cost you $150.” He hesitated but reluctantly agreed, gave her the money, and they made love. After they had finished and had put their clothes back on, the guy just sat motionless in the drivers’ seat. “Aren’t we leaving?” the girl asked. “Well,” said the guy, “Not quite yet. I’m actually a cab driver and the fare to and from the festival is $150.”

I mean, the people at that Lynyrd Skynyrd concert got really excited when I yelled out “free bird!”, but for some reason they weren’t interested in my parrot.

Me: "I met this gorgeous woman while on vacation in the Islands." Friend: "Nice, where is she from?" Me: "One of those islands down there. Can never remember the name. Starts with a J" Friend: "Jamaica?" Me: "Nah. She wouldn't put out"

**Because it’s their tightest material.**

After giving them a look over the madam pulls the girls aside and says "Put them each in a room with a blow up doll, they're that drunk they won't notice." After they were done and walking back home one of the men turns to the other and says "I think mine was dead" "Dead?" the second replied. "Yeah, she was cold and didn't move or make a sound" The second man then goes "Well I think mine was a witch" "What? Why?" The first man replied "Yeah a witch. When i bit her ass she farted in my face and flew out the window."

The ICU

Then tell me why - girls fear cockroaches more than guys?

Call it foolish pride, but I refuse to do anyone else's bidding.