Girlfriend was telling her boyfriend that she was molested as a little girl . He said “ Oh I didn’t knew you liked older men .

It was a business doing pleasure with you.

I told her, "The one from Sesame Street." She replied, "He doesn't count." I said, "Oh, I assure you, he most certainly does."

to get a better wifi signal

(says in feminine voice): haaaaaaaaaaayyyyy!

Nick was sitting in his attorney's office. “Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?" the lawyer said. “Give me the bad news first." “Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars." “That's the bad news?" asked Nick. “I can't wait to hear the terrible news." “The terrible news is that it's of you and your secretary."

that night the husband comes home & extols the virtues of "shaving down below". The mum shaves & a few days later the child wanders into the bathroom again & enquires "where's your sponge?" The mum thinks quickly again & says "I lost it, could you help me find it?" & proceeds to think nothing more of it. Two days later the child comes running into the house frantically, when the mum asks what the hurry is the child says "I found your sponge!!". Intrigued, the mum says "oh, ok, whereabouts exactly did you find it?". The child replies "I was playing with Timmy next door when we heard some noises, we went to see what it was & when we looked in his parent's bedroom, Mrs Jones was washing dad's face with it!"

A blind man comes to the beach. He unpacks his bag and starts blowing up a rubber doll. A mother is sitting nearby and hisses at him: "How dare you unpack your sex doll on a public beach? There are children here!" He turns bright red and stammers:" I'm sorry, I thought ... Damn, so I've been shagging my air mattress all winter!"

Our two heroes, Fast Freddy and Slow Sam, partners for years, digging further and further into the mountain on their golf claim. After many years of making a meager living finally hit the jackpot and find a huge deposit of gold and after loading up their mule, they are off to town to sell their gold and celebrate. After some discussion they decide they are going to have sex with all the ladies at the brothel one right after the other. First to go after flipping a coin is Sam. "Wham...Bam...Thank....You.... Ma'am" says Sam, and he moves onto to the next "Wham...Bam...Thank...You... Ma'am" next one "Wham...Bam... Than... You... Ma'am" Now Freddy is very excited and starts down the line after his partner 'wham Bam thank you ma'am, wham Bam thank you ma'am, wham Bam thank you ma'am, wham Bam sorry Sam, wham Bam thank you ma'am "

I think I nailed it but nobody saw it

A big misunderstanding ensued.