Yo mama is so ugly when I fuck her it’s considered community service

I had to pace myself.

Philippe Philoppe

She sadly did not have the creativity to name all of them unique names so sho named each one a number from 1-100. One of them was named "one", the next was "two" and so on all the way to one hundred. But, in a tragic accident, 99 of the children died. The only one who survived was the one named "Ninety". Ninety eventually grew up and lived a whole life and she even had a few children of her own, One day, while Ninety's children were playing outside, they stumbled upon a stray dog and they decided to keep it. Ninety did not want the children to have a dog so they hid it and named it "This" so that they could talk about it around their mom without her knowing. They would say "Lets go take This outside." and things like that behind their mom's back. One day, white Ninety's children were not paying attention, This walks out into the middle of the street and gets hit by a car. This eventually dies and Ninety's kids don't tell their mother even then. No one else ever hears about This ever again. Only Ninety's Kids remember This.

They suck.

"Really?" says the bartender. "In 1982, I came in the day before my wedding. I was nervous. I was unsure. In retrospect, I was lacking confidence in myself, in my future." "Fair enough," says the bartender. "Over 40 years later, I came back... the day after my wife died. It's amazing how life can change. How every uncertainty can become the past. How the unknown can come to mean... everything." The bartender doesn't know what to say. But the man continues. "Those were the two most important days of my life," he says. The two stand in silence for a moment. "Well then," says the bartender, "what brings you here today?" "As fate would have it," the man replies, "I forgot my umbrella."

I was leaving the airport when a woman fainted and fell on the baggage carousel. She's slowly coming around now.

I'm reminded of the stage instructions where the lead actress has to make her appearance holding a candle. Director instructs "Enter actress, with candle, right upper entrance." After embarrassed giggles and outright guffaws, the directions were changed to "Enter actress, with candle, left upper entrance."

To prove to the armadillo that it could be done

They go, "sheshe."

One-Inch Punch