Yo mama’s so fat and ugly that, strippers themselves pay her to KEEP her clothes on

Or else I'm calling the crops.

They ignored them and swam away.

Sometimes Mayo neighs

It's sinkhole de Mayo.

They say he’s still in de nile

Shake spear

With great sadness I pass on the following news. Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71. Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, who has one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, The California Raisins, the Hostess Twinkies and Captain Crunch. The gravesite was piled high with flours. Betty Crocker delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He wasn’t considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times he still, as a crusty old man, was considered a roll model for millions. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

At a cafeteria, a group of three teenage boys found that the only open table was to share with a prim and proper old lady. So, they decided to have some fun with her. “Did your folks every get married?,” asked one of them. “Nope,” came the reply, “how about yours?” “They never bothered.” “That’s nothing.” said the third, “My mother doesn’t even know who my father is.” At that, the lady looked up from her cup of coffee and asked sweetly, “Excuse me, but would any of you little bastards please pass the sugar?”

My roommates friend came over with her dog, She said, they were going to the store, I said, you're going to leave him outside in this heat, she said no I'm taking him inside, he's a service dog, I said you can't fool me he's never been in the service a day in his life.

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a beer. The second orders half a beer The third orders a quarter of a beer, and so on. The bartender pours two beers and says, "You guys oughta know your limits.