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avatar N0nethelesser 11 mon.ago

Yo mama so stupid

She though LGBT was pronounced “ligbutt.”

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funny dad jokes

funny dad jokes
1. She's lying on her back on the examination couch, her blouse undone and looks up into his eyes and says, "Kiss me doctor," "No I can't, " replied the doctor.

"Oh go on, kiss me, kiss me," she insists, "No it's out of the question," said the doctor, "Why's that?" She asks disappointedly. It's completely against ethical rules," he replies, "in fact strictly speaking I shouldn't even be having sex with you."

2. I had been sober for 11 years

Then I turned 12.

3. An ice fisherman cuts a hole in the ice to catch some fish.

When he puts his fishing line into the hole, he hears a loud voice say "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE THERE." So he gets up, moves a short distance away, cuts another hole in the ice, and lowers in his line. Once again he hears the loud voice say "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE THERE." So he gets up again, moves a little way, cuts another hole, and lowers in his line. The voice says, even louder, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE THERE EITHER." "Who *is* that?" the ice fisherman says, looking round. "Is that God?" "NO," says the voice, "THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK."

4. Did you hear about the guy who invented lifesavers?

They say he made a mint!

5. Why can’t almonds beat you in a race?

They can never cashew

6. Both my mother and father have 5 sisters each. I bought an apartment complex for them all to live in.

They’re my ten-aunts

7. How does a scorpion catch criminals?

with a *sting* operation.

8. I was arrested for eating Cheetos.

They caught me red handed.

9. I don't like playing Yahtzee....

It's a *dicey* game!

10. Why did the zombie keep eating his mother after she fell on the floor?

She was still oedipal.

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