Yo mama’s so stupid, if I have to listen to her open up her pie-hole again, I’m gonna SMH the last part of my forehead off

They always come with a hisstory.

He sits next to the beaver and notices it looks upset. So he asks it what was wrong. The beaver said it lost it's job that day. And the guy exclaims "Oh damn!". And the beaver says "How did you know?!"

I'm going to search the world from pole to pole until I figure out who is responsible.

A neuroscientist is giving a TED Talk on the nature of addiction. He says, “We’ve discovered the brain forms stronger reward loops from novelty and unpredictability than from the act itself. It’s why people become addicted to gambling, social media… even love.” A voice from the crowd yells, “And anal?” The neuroscientist pauses. Takes a slow sip of water. Then says, “Especially if you didn’t expect to like it.”

A man was driving along a narrow, dark and winding road when his car stuttered, shuddered and hiccuped, so he brought it to a halt. Not knowing much about engines, he opened the bonnet and looked at it helplessly, praying for inspiration or a good Samaritan. Suddenly, out of the gloom, a voice said, "Check the spark plugs." He looked around, but all he could see was a white horse. A little panicking, he still looked at the engine but did nothing. He heard it again, "Check the spark plugs." This time, with thundering heart, he did look at the spark plugs and noticed that a couple of the connectors appeared to have worked loose. He quickly pressed them back in, restarted the car, and gratified to hear the engine purr, he hightailed it out of there. A mile or so later, he saw a building with a sign that said it was a pub. He pulled up, went in and asked for a double brandy which he gulped down. The barman asked why he was so upset, and the man recounted his saga. When he mentioned the voice and only a horse in sight, the barman asked, "Was it a white horse?" "Why, yes, yes, it was. What do you know about it?" The barman replied,"You're very lucky. There is a black horse in the same field, knows nothing about cars."

The frat boy and the pirate see the cow and begin to question each other on what to do with it. This devolves into an argument, where they ask who each other works for. The cow then lets out a long moo. Both fall silent before exclaiming, "How did it know?!"

They can dig up a lot of dirt on you.

A well dressed man wears a suit a tired dog just pants.

San Diego

When it's full groan.