Yo mama is so massive

I was a bit distracted when she tossed out ideas for a specialty food business she was starting. Otherwise I could have suggested fruit, or bread, or candy, or pretty much anything other than nuts.

She said, "Okay, do something spontaneous right now." So I panicked and proposed to a waiter. Long story short: I'm not seeing that girl anymore, but me and Greg are registered at Target.

At his engagement party, the guy confided to a friend, “I turned over a new leaf and abstained from sex with my fiancée, but before that I was quite promiscuous.” Winking and gesturing, he boasted, “I’ve had sex with every female in this room except for my sister and my fiancée.” “Wow,” chuckled his friend, “between the two of us, we’ve had them all!”

Eggsorcism.

Eggsorcism.

"Oh go on, kiss me, kiss me," she insists, "No it's out of the question," said the doctor, "Why's that?" She asks disappointedly. It's completely against ethical rules," he replies, "in fact strictly speaking I shouldn't even be having sex with you."

Then I turned 12.

When he puts his fishing line into the hole, he hears a loud voice say "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE THERE." So he gets up, moves a short distance away, cuts another hole in the ice, and lowers in his line. Once again he hears the loud voice say "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE THERE." So he gets up again, moves a little way, cuts another hole, and lowers in his line. The voice says, even louder, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE THERE EITHER." "Who *is* that?" the ice fisherman says, looking round. "Is that God?" "NO," says the voice, "THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK."

They say he made a mint!

They can never cashew