What did the kangaroo say to the Koala bear before he tried to lift a car over his head?

He said... I'm feline fine!

I had no Segway …

He lives in a state of Missouri

Ouch.

30 minutes later they walk put. One deer looks at the other one amd says, "I can't believe I just blew 50 bucks in there."

RAR

A woman wanted to surprise her husband on his 60 birthday. He’d always wished her to get a tattoo, she explained to the tattoo artist. “That’s sounds like an amazing gift. What would you like?” He asked. She thought for a moment. “Well, for as long as I’ve know him he’s been infatuated with Brigitte Bardot.” She thought a moment longer and then it came to her. She blushed as she told him, “Can you put her initials on my butt cheeks? You know, one B on each?” The tattoo artist smiled. “I can do that, sure.” Later that night she called down to her husband who was watching TV. “Honey, can you come upstairs to the bedroom? I have a special birthday present for you.” He arrived moments later to find her naked, bent over the bed. “WTF!” He hollered before kicking her in the ass. “Who the hell is Bob?”

It was a Shih Tzu.

Not wanting to wake his wife up he tiptoes up the stairs swaying right and left with shoes in his hand. He loses his balance and falls right onto his ass from the stairs and he happened to have those small glass bottles in his back pocket and they cut him up pretty bad. He is hurting and somehow manages to find some band-aids in the cabinet and he applies them on his wounds by looking into the mirror. The next morning his wife wakes him up and says that she knows he was drunk last night. Perplexed he asks her how she knew about it. She replies,"There were band aids stuck on the mirror."

My daughter, she’s addicted to pickles, it’s a real sour situation. I don’t know how to dill with it. Seeing children without this addiction makes me green with envy, eventually, I think she’ll be vine.