Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that "Johnny seems to be having some difficulty with the difference between boys and girls," and would his mother,"please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this."

And the actors pipe up and say ‘we are forming Equity because we need people to speak for us’ The singers and musicians overhear them and say ‘Ah well in that case we want an International Federation of Musicians, because we are the ones who need people to speak for us’ This catches the attention of the writers who say ‘Well if you two get people who speak for you then we want a screenwriters guild’ And then the ventriloquist says ‘we’ll be fine’

How on earth is that supposed to help me build my wardrobe?

A guy walks into a bar and orders a shot of whisky. Instead of drinking it he gargles his mouth and spits "ghurrrghguuggrrhh, ptu... Fucking Spark". He orders another and again he does the same thing "ghurrrghghurrggghguuggrrhh, ptu... Fucking Spark". The barman sets the third shot beofore him, but this time he asks him, what happened "So, I was driving my truck with two trailers attached, when some idiot in front of me starts overtaking. I swerved, but my left wheels got stuck in the ditch. No way to get out. I was just going to call for help when a guy in a Chevy Spark stops by and says 'Man, don't worry, I will pull you out'. I was like 'Haha, if you pull me out with that matchbox, I will give you a blowjob' "glglglghgghhhhhglllgurrr, ptu... Fucking Spark".

They are investigating whether there was any fowl play.

What's wrinkled and smells like ginger? Fred Astaire's face.

I told him it’s the only way I win arguments. He said, “What do you mean *you* win?” Now we both have to see a therapist.

I have to split.

After some great sex, she lies there stroking his cock. He asks, “Do you want more sex?” “No,” she replies, “I’m just admiring your cock... I really miss mine.”

“I’ll be bock-bock-bock!”

A trophy