My doctor asked, "You have that weird fetish of masturbating on pages, right?"

Because they're both right.

I say "That's a good money for a Gay prostitute, great money actually, but who the hell gave you 5 cents" He goes, "Every single one of them"

They usually have something like ten, so you can choose.

He said he’s been sitting on it for a while.

You were warned about your car’s warranty expiring.

As they were walking home through the dark they cut through a grave yard for a quick pee. The first lady peed and decided to wipe her self with her own cheap knickers that she was wearing and then threw the cheap knickers away. The second lady then peed behind a grave stone but she was wearing her very expensive kinky knickers and wanted to keep them. So she felt around the grave stone to see if she can find anything to wipe herself with... She came across a silky red ribbon and decided to wipe herself with it. Both ladies were feeling refreshed and made their way home... The next day, their two husbands called each other up. The first husband said: "these girly night out need to stop! My wife came home with no knickers" The second husband replied: "that's nothing! My wife came home with writing on her upper thighs that said: THANK YOU FROM THE WHOLE FIRE BRIGADE"

They put them both in a room with a woman and say they can have her, but they have to approach her only half a distance that lies between them, each time. The mathematician gives up, stating he cannot reach the woman. The engineer will continue because he knows he will get close enough for all practical purposes.

An Amish drive by.

An olfactory.

Hindsight is 2020