I made some butterscotch custard for my family, but I added too much salt….

A man is visiting Las Vegas by himself where he runs into what must be the most gorgeous woman he’s ever laid eyes on. He starts talking to the woman and quickly realizes she’s a s*x worker. Intrigued, the man asks, “How much?” “You should know that my prices are a bit higher than what you might be used to,” she replies. “How much higher?” the man asks. “Well, let’s start with my cheapest service: $1,000 for a handj0b,” says the woman. Startled, the man replies, “What? Who would pay $1,000 for a handj0b?” “Come walk with me,” the woman says. He agrees, and they walk for a little while until they arrive at a restaurant. “See how beautiful this restaurant is? I am the owner of this restaurant because every man I’ve ever been with has paid me $1,000 for a handj0b.” “Goddamn,” the man thinks to himself, “they must be the best handj0bs in the world.” “Alright then,” he tells her before taking her back to his hotel room. The man receives the handj0b, and just as he’d hoped, it was the most amazing handj0b he could have ever imagined. After finishing, he looks at the woman’s gorgeous face and starts realizing how perfect she is in every way. “That was incredible. I want more. How much for a blowj0b?” he asks. “$10,000,” she replies. “$10,000?” he yells. “There’s no way you charge that much” “Come to the balcony,” she says. They walk out to the balcony, where she points at several buildings. “See how beautiful those six casinos are? Those are the most successful casinos in the world.” The man interrupts her, “Oh what? You’re going to tell me that you’re the owner of those casinos?” The woman smiles and says, “As a matter of fact, yes. I am the owner of those casinos because every man I’ve ever been with has paid me $10,000 for a blowj0b.” “Well… they must be really good then,” responds the man. “Okay, I will pay you $10,000 to try it out.” Just like with the handj0b, the blowj0b ends up being absolutely amazing, way better than he could have ever imagined. The man is feeling a level of pleasure he’s never felt before, and realizes that if her handj0bs and blowj0bs are that good, then how good must it feel to take it to the next step with her? “Alright, I’m sure I’m going to regret this later, but how much to take it to the next step?” he asks. “Come to the balcony,” she says. He follows her out to the balcony again, this time prepared for anything she might say. The woman opens her arms, gesturing toward the entire city, “See how beautiful Las Vegas is?” she asks. The man, completely shocked, exclaims, “Wow, do you own Las Vegas?” The woman looks down and says, “No… but I’m pretty sure I would if I had a pu$$y.”

They both use imitation meat to fill a void.

Then into a chair and then into a table.

Yo Momma so old and racist, she has a separate entrance for "colored" people.

Rape it.

It doesn't really surprise me though, I heard he was used to having wood in his mouth.

There scared they might invade there privacy

Tomato. Because it's both fruit and vegetable.

Alien vs Predator

A kid sat on his lap, and Michael Jackson said "I think both you and I know you have a great singer in you. After you leave, I hope there will still be some of me in you"...